Facing the querying process

If you’re in the midst of querying literary agencies, you know it can be an emotional rollercoaster. Every email you send out feels like you’re putting a piece of your soul on the line, and the anticipation of hearing back can be both thrilling and terrifying. As someone who’s been there, I want to share a psychological perspective on how to navigate this journey, particularly when it comes to managing anxiety and the ever-persistent impostor syndrome.

The anxiety of querying

Querying can be a vulnerable experience. You’re sharing your creative work—your labor of love—with complete strangers, hoping they’ll see the value you see. And as much as we try to protect ourselves from rejection, every ‘no’ can sting a little, or even a lot. This kind of exposure, and the anticipation of validation or rejection, naturally triggers anxiety.

Here are some strategies to help you cope with the anxiety that comes with the querying process:

Set boundaries for yourself: Decide on specific days and times to check your email for responses. Instead of compulsively refreshing your inbox, try setting aside a designated time—maybe once a day or even every other day. This practice can prevent your mind from being hijacked by anxiety throughout the day.
Practice self-compassion: It’s easy to be hard on ourselves when things don’t go as planned. Remember, rejection is not a reflection of your talent or worth. Literary agents receive thousands of queries, and often it’s not about your work being “good enough” but about fit and marketability. Talk to yourself as you would a close friend—be kind, gentle, and encouraging.
Keep a ‘why I write’ journal: Whenever you feel disheartened, open a journal dedicated to your writing journey. Remind yourself why you started writing in the first place. Write about how it makes you feel, the joy of creating stories, and what your words mean to you personally. This can be a grounding reminder that regardless of the outcome, the act of writing itself is fulfilling and meaningful.

The impostor syndrome monster

Impostor syndrome loves to rear its ugly head during querying. You might find yourself questioning your abilities, comparing your work to others, or wondering if you truly “deserve” to be published. Know this: impostor syndrome is a common experience, especially in creative fields. Here are a few ways to deal with it:

Acknowledge it: Recognize that impostor syndrome is just a voice in your head. It’s not an objective truth. Often, just identifying those feelings as impostor syndrome can help diminish their power.
Remind yourself of your accomplishments: Keep a list of things you’ve achieved as a writer—maybe you’ve finished a manuscript, maybe you’ve received praise from critique partners, or perhaps you’ve had a piece published. Whenever you feel like a fraud, revisit this list as a reminder of what you’ve accomplished.
Talk about it: It can be incredibly reassuring to talk to other writers about how you’re feeling. The writing community is full of people who understand the highs and lows of this journey. Whether online or in person, connecting with fellow writers can make you feel less isolated and more supported.

De-escalating anxiety: The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique

One powerful strategy for managing anxiety when it starts to feel overwhelming is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. This simple exercise helps anchor you in the present moment by engaging your senses:

5: Acknowledge five things you can see around you. It could be anything—the cover of your favorite book, the pattern on the carpet, or even a leaf swaying outside the window.
4: Acknowledge four things you can touch. Feel the fabric of your shirt, the smooth surface of your desk, or the warmth of a mug of tea.
3: Acknowledge three things you can hear. It could be the hum of your computer, birds chirping, or even your own breathing.
2: Acknowledge two things you can smell. If you can’t immediately smell anything, perhaps light a candle or brew some coffee.
1: Acknowledge one thing you can taste. Maybe it’s a sip of water, a piece of chocolate, or just the lingering flavor of whatever you had last.

This grounding exercise helps pull your attention away from anxious thoughts and places you firmly in the present moment, reminding you that you are safe and in control.

Final thoughts

The querying process is challenging, but remember: you are not alone. Every author who has ever been published has gone through a similar journey—replete with doubt, anxiety, and perseverance. Querying isn’t about proving your worth; it’s about finding the right match for your work, someone who will champion your story as passionately as you do.

Take things one step at a time, practice self-compassion, and when anxiety tries to overwhelm you, take a moment to ground yourself. Your words matter, and so does your well-being. Stay patient, stay hopeful, and keep writing. Your story deserves to be told.

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